How to Get Women to Take Their Clothes Off

The key to having women take their clothes off couldn’t be harder to figure out. (Pun intended) There must be a cheat code to unlock chastity belts everywhere. Lucky for you, I know what that is:

A Camera

The bigger the lens, the bigger the boobs will appear in front of that lens. With just a few clicks of a little button the quicker the close come off. (And maybe this is a metaphor for something else) But seriously get yourself a camera.

Take for example KirillWasHere
A party photographer that spends most of his time sticking his middle finger in girls buttholes.
Kirill is proof that average looks doesn’t make a difference in being able to bag the nana when you have a camera.

Four years ago, two friends of mine moved to LA after a lifetime of living in not LA. I, having drunk the glittery kool aid that is Los Angeles, told them that they should take the little money they have to spare and either purchase DJ equipment or buy a camera. Little did I know how prophetic that statement was for it is the sole reason why either one now gets laid. Of course you’ll have to have an inkling of a personality.

The key to any woman’s heart will always be laid with a deep emotional connection through deep conversation, shared experiences, chivalry, blah blah blah. But if you want to sleep with her you have to get her naked first!

Queue Kirill!


As much as woman talk about harrassment, a lack of respect from men, and a disdain for the neanderthal, you have to remember that as long as you have a cool prop women will look past all that. Any schlub with a camera can be a god in the GAME of bagging broads, at least that’s what photographers like Terry Richardson and Kirill teaches us.

Pro tips: If you show a woman that you have taken pictures of other hot girls, it will make them feel hot.
If you show a before and after picture of a frienemy, you might as well have collected the sweater at the door.

Long story short, cough up the $400 bucks, buy a beanie, and send me a snap of your new collection of panties.

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I Like Your Personality In This One

#ThirstTraps are single handedly what’s great about social media. And yet they get men in hot water. Women will shame you into believing that looking at a #thot (laying in her bed wearing underwear that looks like she specifically wore for that picture because it doesn’t seem likely that a corset is proper sleeping attire), makes you an animal.

The thing is, we’re all animals. Everybody looks. So proves this video:
Bra Cam

Next time a woman catches you looking at her fun bags you could say the honest thing:

“I’m sorry but neon bra threw me off, I thought you were advertising”

“I’m genetically inclined to look at them as a way for my species to establish if you would make healthy offspring, I was thinking of my future children.”

“I spent my first year of life sucking on those beautiful things and I was feeling nostalgic.”

Or you could just lie in a funny way:

“I was just looking at your necklace”
Make sure she’s NOT wearing one.

But the best option is to stare her in the eyes, smile, and say I’m sorry, this doesn’t mean I don’t respect you.

The Engaged Wing-Woman

I was recently talking with my homie Amanda who just got engaged. My initial reaction is to think that she wouldn’t want to turn up in any fashion when I get to NYC because of the maturating event of an engagement. However, this is not the case. It made me realize that there is nothing stronger than a wing-woman who is engaged. It will give even the most independent woman a kick in her biological clock. The aspiration to be loved will stare her in the face. That longing for a literal prize of a ring on her finger. Queue being introduced as the nice, mature, SINGLE guy friend who doesn’t have to do much outside of being there.

With the proper execution of words and committal innuendos, a number would be the guaranteed outcome. Please note this technique is for dating, not banging. But dating done right can lead to banging.


Cat Lady

The universal symbol for a sad lonely woman is a cat. The older a woman gets, not matter how strong her affinity for cats, the knowledge of how the world looks at her and what she is “becoming,” will be looming in the back of her mind. So a way to remind the residents of curve-a-man alley about litter box island is to bring them around cats. Art shows with cats, cat section of Petco, your lonely as friend with a cat.


*Another animal friendly way to remind these broads about their unavoidable loneliness is to have them go to a dog park on Friday evenings. There are only two things a woman should be doing on Friday nights:

•Hanging out with the man they didn’t curve
•Getting ready to go out and be hunted

Any female found at a dog park on Friday afternoon will be carrying the tears of a hundred soaked pillows in her heart. Lonely nights are bad. Lonely Friday nights are the worst.